Finding ways to be positive and grateful through the changes, movings, and transition periods: a great lesson to us all.
Today’s post on “From Moms to Moms” is very special to me. I invited my sister-in-law, Erica Ramos, to talk about her journey as a military wife and mom of four, her constant movings, and how she imprints happiness and gratitude on her children.
Erica is one of my favorite people on earth. Not only she is as nice as can be, as beautiful as the eyes can see, but also, she’s one of the only people I know who always have a positive outlook on life and on motherhood all around.
“Realizing how lucky and blessed I am, and being grateful plays a big factor (on staying positive)“
— Erica Ramos
I am 100% sure that Erica has bad days too, but what differentiates her in my eyes is that she will ALWAYS try to look at the good before focusing on the bad – and most importantly, her kids really do reflect that.
And that’s the goal, isn’t it? To lead by example, to see our kids having a good outlook on life, rejoicing, and having a positive attitude/demeanor as often as possible.
I love Erica’s way of dealing with life, with motherhood, and with being a military wife and mom. And because of that, I am so happy that she is here to help us find joy and a positive attitude in our lives too.
When I was designing these questions for her to answer, I kept on realizing I had this full-on-starstruck smile on my face, because most of these questions are, in reality, thing’s that I’ve personally always wanted to know but for some reason never thought to ask before.
I know I personally benefit from Erica’s personality a lot. If I’m having a bad day, or if my kids are just not having it and making me want to pull my hair out, all I have to do is talk to her.
Somehow, she manages to completely turn my point of view around with just a few words, and by the end of the conversation, I can’t even remember what I was so stressed out about.
I hope you will, too, feel inspired by Erica and by her positive demeanor to deal with life and motherhood. Take advantage of these words, take mental notes, because I can promise you it will better your life for good!
By Erica Ramos, July 2021
I am the third child of six children who grew up and married a husband in the Navy. As we’ve made moves, we’ve had four children, our firstborn son is 10 years old, our daughter is eight years old, our third son is two years old and our fourth and hopefully last is almost 6 months old.
Being in the military means you move more often than many other people do, with that comes both blessings and challenges.
I can say it is immensely hard to have your whole house packed up and moved to a new location. Once all of your stuff is packed up, you have to go and stay in a hotel or go visit with family because you have nothing (you’re living out of a bag).
Then, you move to the new location where you live with nothing, eating off of paper plates, buying just a few essentials to hold you off you until all your stuff comes.
With each move we get really excited about the place we’re going to, what is it going to be like, what is new and fun that we’ve never been able to experience or that’s really different from where we’re currently at, and other fun things like that.
But, each move also comes with many challenges. When you are in a place for two to three, maybe even four years (if you extend), then you make really good friends, and it is always extremely hard to leave behind those friends.
Easing the children’s “suffering” with each transition.
We all get really sad to leave our friends but I always try to stress to the children, and mentally to myself, that even though we move away from friends we can always fly to visit again and they’re always welcome to come and visit us at our new location.
The last move was probably the hardest because the two oldest kids were old enough to understand the move, and they had made friends, so they were really sad about moving away from them. So we had them call their friends and video chat and we even message them and keep in touch with them online to this day.
As far as them transitioning, I would say there’s a space when you first move where they are really sad about moving away from friends, where they haven’t made new friends at the new location and we’re still getting to know the spot.
It’s where you just kind of feel “off” for a little bit, and then as you meet more people and get to know your new location it becomes a home again.
Moving to Japan
We loved Japan so much! Okinawa, where we lived, was so family-friendly. When we moved there I only had one child and he was around nine months old. To help us better enjoy being in a foreign country we decided to live off of the military base, and I think that was such a good choice to make us actually get out and enjoy the culture.
I would take them to the local stores, parks, try to make friends, let them play on the playgrounds, and just be kids. We even had some time while we were there that they went to a Japanese daycare for a few hours a day to be able to play with other kids and experience the culture.
Moving back (to the States) was so much harder than you’d think. It was just so very different there and we loved it so much.
The kids were still fairly young at that time, so they still had the consistency of our family unit, which helped, and we got to go meet our family after not seeing them for so long, so it was very exciting for them.
Feeling “at home” when you have to move so often
Before kids, when I would have to move, I would have the first few days at the new place that I would unpack and feel situated in the house, and then I’d focus on making friends. I would try to join women’s groups, church Bible studies, and things that would plug me into my new area.
We basically do something similar to that with the kids now, trying to plug in as quickly as we can to a new church, to making friends, getting set up in school so that you’re not lonely. I think that is a really big factor in feeling comfortable in a new location.
Things to keep in mind (and in heart) as a military wife and mom
If you’re a military wife, you might have to move in the middle of your pregnancy, or even move multiple times, (so it’s good to keep in mind) so just be flexible.
I would say to be good at self-advocating because you’re the only person that may know your history (since you have to move so often).
If you have children and they’re struggling with the transition, plug them in as quickly as you can at the new home, but also help them maintain friendships from old locations, and try to form a strong family bond so that they never really feel alone.
Finding your village wherever you go
Building connections I think is one of the most important things that will keep you from getting depressed when you move.
Before COVID, I would join groups like M.O.P.S. (Moms Of Preschoolers), which is a group for moms coming together with childcare and a potluck-style meal.
You get a meal, they usually have a devotional, you sit at the table and get to know other women and you make friends and can connect again outside of there.
So it kind of meets multiple needs, the children are getting to play together and you are getting adult time, a meal, and maybe make a few friends out of it.
An important thing is being vulnerable putting yourself out there, talking to people and introducing yourself, letting them know you’re new in the area, trying to find some common interest, and just putting in a little bit of effort to make friends, knowing that it may be uncomfortable but in the long run it will make you happier.
How to be positive and gratuful in times of change
Realizing how lucky and blessed I am, and being grateful plays a big factor (in staying positive).
In the end, being angry only really hurts you, and so just moving on is usually the best thing to do.
Be willing to be open even though sometimes that means you will get hurt. Because without being open you will never find some of the most beautiful things in life.