4 ways to potty-train without losing your mind. Yes, it’s possible!
Potty training is the most literal picture of “messy”. I know it, you know it, and there is really no way to avoid it.
Whether you have one of those jewel kids that potty trains themselves, or a 5-year-old that isn’t ready for that yet, your potty-training journey will absolutely involve some cleaning up and a lot of patience. The sooner you accept it, the better, and I say this with the utmost compassion – we’ve all been there! (or will be soon).
I’m here to help you navigate this messy but exciting time in both yours and your kids’ lives.
Motherhood can get emotional. Read up on “when my kids make me angry” and let’s talk about it.
When should I potty train my kid?
The simple answer here is: when he or she is ready.
I have a confession to make: I myself have JUST achieved the “potty trained” status with my kid a few weeks ago! It was messy, but also enjoyable for both of us! No traumas or tantrums, it was a very gentle approach and I’m so thankful it happened that way!
There are many clues as to when a child is ready to be potty trained. Some of them are:
- He or she recognizes body parts.
- They know what a potty is and what it should be used for (even if they haven’t used it themselves yet).
- They know what a diaper is for.
- They “announce” when they have made a pee or a poo.
- They retreat to a spot in the house (usually away from people) to pee or poo.
- They can follow simple instructions.
Those are the first few clues that tell you your child is ready to be potty trained. It is important to pay attention to these signals because there IS such a thing as trying to potty train too early.
If you try to potty train your kid too soon, when they are not ready for it, research has shown that it negatively impacts how your child relates to his physiological needs. It also shows that it exponentially increases the “accidents” such as wetting the bed, in public, etc.
Most kids are potty trained between 2 and 4 years old, but please remember that every child is different. I have personally seen kids that are fully potty trained at 16 months old, just as I have also seen an almost 5-year-old still in diapers.
The most important thing is that this process is not traumatic for you OR for your kid.
My experience
I just recently potty trained my daughter. She is now 2 years and 8 months. Sadly, I was not one of the fortunate moms whose kids potty trained themselves, on the contrary, it was a long process for us.
If there is one thing I can advise you on potty training based on my experience, is that patience will be your biggest ally. It is important to let your child know that he or she is learning a new important skill and mess ups are part of the deal.
My daughter had known how to use the potty since she was 18 months old, and occasionally she would use it when asked. But she never seemed quite ready for it, throwing tantrums and purposedly peeing on the floor if we insisted too much.
So, I kept waiting. Every once in a while, I would invite her to use the potty, and sometimes she did, sometimes she didn’t. It took over a year, more precisely 14 months between her first time on the potty and being fully potty trained.
I used a mix of the Brazelton and the bare-bottom methods, and it was M.E.S.S.Y! It took us a whole week, countless “accidents” and a whole lotta laundry to get it figured out. But it was also kind of enjoyable and emotional for me to see my little girl achieving such an important milestone.
And most importantly: it wasn’t traumatizing for either of us, it wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t harsh. I was following HER pace, simply offering my help when needed and giving some encouragement.
Different Potty-Training Methods, and how they work
- Infant potty training
- The Brazelton Method (child-led potty training)
- The Bare Bottom Method
- Gradual Parent-Lead
- 1: Infant Potty Training
It’s true, it is possible to potty train an infant!
Though not very common in our society, many other cultures potty train their kids while they are still babies. The one rule is that the baby must be able to sit unassisted (generally between 6 and 9 months).
According to the Parenting Scient website, the premise of this method is becoming fluent in your baby’s signs of when he or she needs to pee or poo, and therefore being able to predict and plan potty sessions.
Of course, the baby is not fully “trained” as they cannot talk, or walk, or wipe themselves, however, it does mean you can pretty much go diaper-free. It also means that it is extremely time-consuming and you need to pay superb attention to your child’s signals.
- 2. The Brazelton Method (also known as child oriented potty training)
This is currently the most popular potty-training method in our society. It delays the start of the potty-training journey to when the child shows clear signs that he or she is ready to use the potty.
There isn’t much interference from parents, as the child should lead the way and pace of the journey. If he or she doesn’t show interested in using the potty or refuses to do it, you simply stop and wait a few days (or weeks, or months) to try again when they are more interested.
The most common age to start at this method is at around 24 months, and more than 50% of cases reported a fully potty trained child by 30 months. Lately, parents have been waiting longer to start, between 34-38 months. However, a study made with 8,000 children showed that the ones that started potty training when they were older than 24 months had a longer process to be fully potty trained. This was linked to older kids being more resistant to change than younger children.
- 3. The Bare Bottom
Let them run naked!
As the name suggest, this potty-training method instructs you to leave your child butt naked, push plenty of fluids and wait for them to figure it out. They will surely have accidents, but it is a very effective method when used at the right time.
To use the Bare Bottom Method, your child should be over 30 months and have used the potty previously (even if sporadically), but haven’t been fully potty trained yet. It also tells you to not lecture your child about having an accident, instead, be compassionate and cheerful and just move on. When used correctly there’s a big chance that your kid will be potty trained in less than a week!
- 4: Gradual Parent-Lead Potty-Training
Just like the name suggests, this method takes a longer time than all the others, most times. You can start whenever you feel like it’s the best timing for it. Your child stays in a diaper (usually in pull-up training diapers), and you set a schedule to invite or take your child to the bathroom (before and after bed, after meals, and throughout the day).
Because the child doesn’t really have “accidents”, it takes them a little longer to correlate the needing to go to the bathroom and actually going, however, it also means minimal to no clean-up.
The most important thing with potty-training
No matter which method you choose, potty training can be stressful. And this is something I wanted to remind you of: enjoy the journey! It seems silly to think of “enjoying” the journey of cleaning up pee off the floor, or worst, poo of the carpet, right?! But when you think about it, it’s just one of those phases of our kids’ lives that goes by way too fast.
We have a saying in Brazil that I’m always reminding myself of: “your child is not going to get married in diapers!”. It’s true. Eventually, your kid will be fully potty trained and the diapers phase of their lives will be gone forever.
The key to this stage (and let’s be honest, to most of our parenting life) is to be patient. Have compassion, your kid is learning a major skill and breaking through a major milestone.
You got this! I’m rooting for you and sending you an unlimited amount of paper towel hugs!
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